I would like to bring forward some of the ones that were left on the post titled, "Dear Dr. Anwar".
These are not in any order. And, please know that I honestly felt there were many good points, not just the ones listed below. (Hopefully you can read them. Blogger seems to want to squish my words together, despite me telling it not to.)
I am starting with Chris's comment because I feel that she sums up my feelings and, as always, it is beautifully written.
"When I read all the comments, it gives me a "solemn" feeling. I have read such give-and-take before on this blog and on others, such as Neonatal Doc's, and have regarded it as "spirited debate". This time, however, I see and hear and feel that we are asking one another for tolerance." and "And we are asking one another for tolerance, each for her own perspective. It is solemn to me, even spiritual. Please, let us give one another this great gift."
I have seen a change in the comments section of this past post, compared to others. Many people were stating their points and then, after reading others comments, making a great effort to understand where the other person was coming from. Seriously folks, call me hormonal, but it was beautiful. I thank you for it too.
"I just don't want parents who opted to resuscitate feel that they loved their child less because they chose to give them a shot rather than save them from NICU and possible long term pain. I can see how a family who had seen a suffering child not want that for their own. The tough part is there is a spectrum, and some children have *better* outcomes than others. Living with either decision can be difficult, I'm sure."
"I did feel guilty during the NICU for wanting him to live despite any future statistical outcome. I now know that there are no guarantees when it comes to the future. I don’t think doctors can list all possible outcomes but I think they should give you the facts. I wish premature births, especially micro-preemies cases were followed better. I definitely wish doctors (other specialists) beyond the NICU were more knowledgeable about prematurity. The public needs to know more."
I too felt guilty when Paige was in the NICU. It was our decision that put her there. But, over the years I have learned to let that guilt go. That's my wish for new preemie parents who are 2nd guessing their decision... let it go.
Terri w/2 wrote:
"I will never, ever waiver from believing that this decision was THE RIGHT ONE, and the neonatologist's decision to over-ride our decision was absolutely the WRONG one."
Anonymous (11/5 at 8:31) wrote:
"I had a note in my chart not to resuscitate before 26 weeks. My husband and I quickly changed our minds when I was in the delivery room at 24.1 weeks. Our doctor kept reminding us of our previous request but we demanded our daughter be resuscitated."
"In the end, we each make our decision and make our peace with that decision. But we should stop judging the decisions made by others especially if they differ with the ones we might have made."
"It is unclear to me why my choice must threaten someone who has made a different choice, unless they believe things would be better if we all made the same choices. One can read Orwell's 1984 and see what that kind of world looks like."
Kim's last statement echos my feelings. Why are we so threatened when someone makes a different choice than ours?
Helen Harrison wrote:
"We need to take our heads out of the sand, and begin speaking out whenever the media or others try to gloss over, or misrepresent, the realities of preterm birth and its consequences. "
Yes! Yes! Yes! We are never going to be a society in which we can make decisions based on informed consent if we are never informed!