I find this to be one of the most dismissive statements one can say to a preemie parent. At a time when you should be happy that your baby/child "looks good", having a preemie doesn't afford you this joy.
Many people have said this to us over the years. It makes me want to scream. It completely negates everything we are dealing with at the time!
Yes, she looks good but do you realize that I just spent an hour trying to give her a bath. She has sensory issues and the water causes her pain.
Yes, she looks good but do you realize that she is an ounce away from a feeding tube.
Yes, she looks good but do you realize that she has pain every day.
Yes, she looks good but do you realize that her seizures have caused others around her to be afraid of her.
Yes, she looks good but do you realize that she has such horrible anger outbursts that we have to watch her so she does not hurt herself.
Yes, she looks good but do you realize that she doesn't have any friends because they all think she is weird.
Yes, she looks good but do you realize that the only reason she has gained weight is because we have worked so hard with her.
The Internet is not large enough for me to continue.
The most frustrating of all is when doctors have said it to us. As if "looking good" means that nothing can be wrong with you!!!
When our daughter was 4 years old she started having very bad pain in her legs. She was so fatigued that she could no longer walk around the block. During an appointment with her neurologist he asked her how she was doing, while she was hoping up on to the table. She told him, "my legs hurt." to which he replied (while patting her on the head), "no they don't." She told him again, "they really hurt." and he told her "they must not hurt that bad-you didn't have a problem hoping on to the table." He turned to me and I went on to explain that she really was in pain. Her legs were so tight that, when sitting with her legs straight, her toes touched the floor. It was hard to look at. He looked at her, looked at me and said, "she looks good to me." I stood up, picked up my daughter and said, "you are failing my daughter with you attitude!" and I walked out.
Another doctor told us that she looked too beautiful to have any of the problems we were describing (all OCD related).
Yet another one told us that we were lucky that she was born premature because she was so petite and pretty.
A geneticist once told us (while being evaluated for a mitochondrial disorder) that she was too smart and pretty to have mito. He finished up the appointment by saying, "she looks good to me."