I've been absent lately and while I would like nothing more than to say that I am back on track and ready to blog regularly, that would be stretching the truth.
We traveled a lot this summer, really exotic locations. I started a few good books that I've been engrossed in and could not put down. Then we decided to finally finish the bedroom in our basement and worked really hard on cleaning out the storage room so it wouldn't be a fire hazard. Finally, I decided to put myself before the kids and concentrate on my own health.
Then I woke up. It was a nice dream while it lasted. lol
Life is rough at times. Life is good at times. The past few months have been filled with both scenarios.
During the summer we took Paige off of one of her mental health meds for her OCD. The doctor felt that the cognitive behavior therapy was working since she had almost completely stopped her skin picking. And, honestly, I wanted to believe it too. Why wouldn't I want that for my child? To be free of one med and free of oozing scabs all over her body was something we never thought possible. She worked so hard to stop the picking. When we made the decision to homeschool it seemed to lift so much of her anxiety. We are so proud of her.
We knew that there was a chance that her mood would suffer for a few weeks until her body got used to the med being gone. And, suffer it did. But, she still managed to audition for a play, get a role and attend every single practice-all without much anxiety.
When she would get crabby or appear to not be listening to her father and I, we attributed it to everyday stress. When she would explode and have major meltdowns, we guessed that it was the play or even simply typical behavior for a 9 year old. Yes, she wasn't herself but we were blind. Ok, now I'm not sure if we were blind or it was a case of ignoring what was in front of us because we wanted her to be ok.
When she started complaining that she wasn't feeling good at night, for a few nights in a row, we recognized what was happening. The OCD was controlling her again. We had forgotten all about these nightly battles. In the past she would demand that we take her temperature at bedtime because she was convinced that she was sick. When we would refuse to even feel her forehead she would start to meltdown, screaming hysterically. Every night. We all suffered for more than a year until she had started the medicine. Her doc told us that it was the OCD. He was right. On the med, bedtime was wonderful (as long as she has her melatonin).
After she had been off the medicine for about a month she started picking her skin again. She begged me to call the doctor so she could go back on the medicine. I didn't want to give in so quickly. I was still holding onto that hope. It was all about me and I recognize it. We put a rubber band back on her wrist and reminded her to snap it when she felt the urge to pick.
One more week passed by. The rubber band trick was not working. She was miserable. The OCD monster had her in its grip again. It has us all in its grip. The entire house was operating around it. The "thoughts" were back. THE "thoughts". The ones that used to cause us to lock our bedroom door at night.
One morning Paige came running into the living room screaming, "Please call the doctor. I can't take it anymore." The tone and pitch of her voice was something you would expect to hear from someone on fire.
I called the doc, fully expecting to have to fight for her. He didn't want her on the medicine long term and he made that quite clear during every appointment. I sure was shocked when he agreed, without any hesitation, that she needed to be back on it.
It's been a few weeks now and she is doing MUCH better. Gone are the nightly battles. Gone is the counting. Gone are THE "thoughts". She gave in and picked a few mosquito bites but we feel that falls under the realm of normal.
Paige finished her play. 6 performances! Yes, I cried like crazy watching her up there on stage. A real stage!
Homeschooling is going good. I still feel it is the best thing we have ever done for her. Some days are hard but it's getting much easier now that she is back on her meds. I asked her if she missed anything about going to school. Her answer... "I miss getting a new back pack every year." lol
Hubby went away for a week on a business trip. It was only the 2nd time we have ever been apart in the 17 years that we've been together (the first time was 17 years ago). To all of you single parents, I am in awe of you!
So, I'm still here in the blogworld, just have been a bit preoccupied with life. I have been reading everyones comments and feel incredibly proud to be surrounded by so many intelligent, passionate individuals. There was one comment left under the last topic that I will be addressing in my next post. I'm sure it will cause a ripple but I feel it needs to be said. Hopefully I'll be able to post soon, as long as life cooperates.