Tears of Sadness-Tears of Joy

The past 24 hours has been incredibly emotionally draining for me. Yesterday was bad. Really bad. The fear of what the future will hold for my child is overwhelming at times. I fear what will happen when I am not around to protect her from herself. I am not a person who cries much. There hasn't been time for it. I made up for lost time last night. Thank you to all of you who reached out to me via the blog, email and Facebook.

The morning came quickly. Opening my eyes and facing the day was difficult today. I wondered what kind of mood Paige was going to be in and was formulating a plan on how to handle her when I heard her getting up. She came in to my room, rubbing the night out of her eyes and skipping.

"Mom, I am really sorry for last night. I don't know what was the matter with me. Thank you for checking on me during the night."

It was a new day for her and she was happy. The night had healed her spirit. For this I was thankful but was left wondering why the night hadn't healed my spirit.

I put on a brave face and started the day knowing what was coming... and ice skating field trip.

For those of you who need to catch up... Paige's eye doc told us to not allow her to do any sports where she might hit her head since she is at risk for retinal detachment. When the field trip came up, I was hesitant. It was a big risk in my opinion but after talking to several people, it was brought to my attention that I may be a tad neurotic. I decided to take her.

For weeks Paige has been looking forward to ice skating. She had never tried it before but was so excited that she couldn't wait to get out of the house. She was sure that she would master the skills she needed, in a matter of one day. I tried telling her how hard it was. I used to skate and understand the frustration that comes with learning how to stay perpendicular to the floor.

Not only was I worried about her eyes, I was worried about her self esteem. Her legs are not strong. Her ankles are not strong. Geesh... we are talking about a child with mild CP after all.

We dropped off Tyler at Grandma's and headed to the rink.

I tried giving her a pre-skate pep talk which involved the usual parent gibberish. "Now don't forget that you've never done this before. You are going to fall. A lot. But, please be proud of yourself for trying. I'm proud of you already."

"Mom, I had a dream last night that I could skate well. It is giving me inspiration."

Gulp

We ate a yummy lunch at the rink before skating.

The skates are on!

First steps on the ice

I took this video with my digital camera and the battery was dying (I think that's why the audio doesn't match with the video). This was 20 minutes into skating.

Then came my tears of joy. Watch her face! She is so excited!! I stood on the side sobbing. And yet again, it was an ugly cry. hehe I was finally relaxed and happy with my decision to allow her to go skating. I fought the neurotic preemie parent side of my brain and I was glad that I had!


Be sure to watch the very end to see what happened.





Yes, my worst fear was realized. She hit her head! She freaked out. I almost threw up. She proceeded to scream for what seemed like an eternity. When she calmed down a bit I asked her if she was crying because she was really hurt or because she was afraid for her eyes. Her response (given through increased tears), "I'm afraid you are going to make me leave!" That's my tough cookie!!





She ended up skating and falling for the next 90 minutes. She was awesome! She had a blast and left feeling on top of the world.

Oh the tears sure have been flowing over the past 24 hours. I'm just thankful that, for today, they were tears of joy!